Blackmail
by sirscreen
Summary: Not canon to Family Friend. Just an idea that popped into my head. Kate asks a certain family friend to spy on Castle in the Hamptons. Hilarity ensues. ONE-SHOT


**Just a little one-shot I thought of after watching the season finale. For those of you who have or have not read **_**Family Friend **_**this fic contains NO SPOILERS. IT IS NOT EVEN CANON WITH THAT FIC. SORRY NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. IT IS JUST SOMETHING I WROTE FOR POOPS AND GIGGLES.**

** Trev**

"I don't know why you want me to spy on your boyfriend, Kate," I whined as I sat down next to her desk.

"I am not asking you to do anything, Jon," she assured in an annoyed tone.

"Please. You practically have a neon sign on your head that says '_I am begging you to spy on Richard Castle'_," I said, "And not only that, Lanie is threatening to castrate me if I don't do it!"

"I am sure the King of CQB can manage to defend himself against an angry Medical Examiner," she said nonchalantly.

"Have you noticed that she is a _lot _like Aunt Shanel?" Her former neighbor had glued herself to the family. Every time we visited, the spunky black women made us cookies and God help us if we played our music too loud.

"She is... you know what you're right," she thought about it for a moment, "Ah well, I don't care do whatever you like."

That was code for _Do it or I swear to God I shall castrate you with a rusty spoon._ I rolled my eyes and got off the chair. I had to pay a visit to a certain M.E.

* * *

"Fine! I'll do it!" I exclaimed as I walked into the autopsy room.

"Thank you," she M.E. Said without looking up.

"But, I want payment," I demanded, "I want your original Elvis record!"

"Say what now?" I now had her full attention. The feisty ME glared at me without fear and a willingness to kill. I miss the old days when Doctors had to take the Hippocratic oath. Not that I couldn't literally and figuratively beat the crap out of her. It's just that she is a _lot _like Aunt Shanel. It would be like beating up a dear aunt.

"Good because now that I have your full attention, I have some... items that need to be stored."

"What kind of 'items'?" she asked with trepidation.

"Um, you know," I searched for the right words, "c4, dynamite, poisons, that sort of thing."

She bit her lip. I saw the two sides of her battling it out: the love for Kate and her absolute hatred of me. Well, her love for Kate won out, "Fine."

Damn. That was my last line of defense. I'm in for it now.

* * *

**Two weeks later**

I sat down next to Kate's desk. I had a tan and a smug look on my face. This surveillance trip had been interesting to say the least.

"Where have you been?" Thank you, Hal. With his training, I was a human polygraph. I could see the facial muscles she worked into her usual neutral, but I could also see her unconscious movements. Right now she was eager to see what I had learned.

"Like you don't know," no sense in just telling her. That's no fun, "I was out watching Castle to see what he is up to."

"Really?" she was good at keeping her excitement in check. To anyone but me or Ambler, "Learn anything?"

I just couldn't hold it in any longer, "The lady wears his _juevos _around her neck. I am quite tempted to call the Department of the Navy, tell them that I got a new Warden for Gitmo," I chuckled, "A week with her and those unlucky sonsofbitches will freakin _sing._"

I could see relief and humor etched into her features, "Really?"

"I thought my new handler was a tight-ass," I admitted, "She puts him, my old Dis, _Dad when he was pissed at me_ to shame," hey, even I was impressed.

That got a laugh out of her, "Wow."

"How did he describe that marriage?"

"Quote _'The most sexless relationship I've ever been in'_!" she howled with laughter that sang of both relief and humor.

"Hey, Beckett," Esposito asked, "What's so funny?"

I pulled out a flash drive, "I got video of Castle 'Vacation' right here, if anyone wants to watch."

"Oh, yay," said Ryan. Everyone, including the Captain, gathered around the computer.

* * *

_"Richard, sit down and start writing! You have to finish this!"_

_ "A five minute break? Please?"_

_ "No! Do you know how much the higher ups want that manuscript? Get on your ass and start writing!"_

_ "But-"_

_ "No buts! NOW!"_

_ "Aww man."_

_ "What was that?"_

_ "Nothing!"

* * *

_

By the end of the video and sound feeds from the bugs I planted, everyone was all but on the floor laughing. A few were doing just that.

I have a feeling I just supplied Kate with the perfect blackmail.

**So what do you think? Please review!**


End file.
